Oh the insanity....

How freakin' ghey is the DMV? That's Department of Motor Vehicles in case you were thinking it was Dude from Milli Vanilli.

I have been going to the DMV every year for the last 24 years. I cannot recall ONE TIME that I got it right the first time. If you are outside the state of Missouri, maybe this is all new to you. But in Missouri, to register a vehicle or to get a driver's license you must go to the DMV. You must bring with you several documents: some relevant, some not. And they change which documents you must bring every other year. So if you remember what you brought last year, and try to bring those documents again, they will "GET YOU" and laugh hysterically as you walk out pulling your hair out crying uncontrollably because there is a new form you forgot and you just waited in line for 45 minutes and wasted your lunch hour just to find this out.

So now, I check the internet. I make sure to have all my forms. I now know that I must have proof of identity to get a driver's license and I must prove where I live. So I go in yesterday and wait patiently for 20 minutes (a nice short wait this day) and get to the counter where I smile real big with my documents in hand and say "I would like to renew my license". I hand the clerk my current driver's license which is UNEXPIRED and has a PICTURE OF ME and required me to show a BIRTH CERTIFICATE TO GET IT as my PROOF OF IDENTITY. And she politely replies with a big smile: "I'm sorry, we no longer accept these as proof of identity." "Come again? Say what? What choo talkin' bout Willis? I know I'm dreaming... "

"The new Proof of Identity law requires that you show a birth certificate or current passport to renew your license". So let me get this straight: I show a birth certificate to get an ID that is certified by YOU to be valid proof of who I am not only in the state of Missouri, but throughout the United States. Then, when I want to renew this ID, it is no longer acceptable as a form of proof of who I am? This specific ID which you will certify as my PROOF OF IDENTITY is not acceptable to you as my PROOF OF IDENTITY? Anywhere else I go, they are supposed to take this ID as INDISPUTABLE PROOF OF WHO I AM, certified by the SEAL OF THE STATE OF MISSOURI, but the state of Missouri won't accept it???????

So I turn and start to pull out the few hairs I have left at age 39, and begin my walk of shame as all the clerks in the office stand and laugh and point to me as I walk out crying hysterically. They got me once again.