Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Latest guidelines for getting a home mortgage

All borrowers' birth certificates will be required with pictures taken in the hospital with medical staff. Birth certificate with a live home delivery will not be eligible for first time home buyers.

Marriage certificate with bridal dress will be required if both husband and wife are required to qualify for the loan.

Good Faith Estimates will not require signature, but will require blood sampling from a recognized institution within three days of application.DNA test will be performed at closing to avoid any non-arms length transactions. Loan funding will be contingent upon satisfactory receipt of DNA results.

Verification of deposit will be acceptable only if Bank representative is present at the closing.

Copy of Pay stubs and W2 will only be acceptable through IRS and only with a wax-sealed envelope mailed directly to the lender. Seven witnesses from the neighborhood will be required as proof of primary residence in case borrower owns more than 1 property.

All appraisers will be required to use masks and ear plugs at the time of inspection to avoid any personal influence by the borrower or broker for the appraised value.

In order to correctly calculate DTI and true housing ratio a list of grocery items, monthly usage and brand names will be required with receipts and projected 12 month consumption chart.

Closing will not occur without loan officer presence at settlement and loan officer picture will be taken at the closing in a mug shot format with loan number. Picture should meet standard guideline of 2 X 2 inch in color format with one facing and one side view.

Loan officer picture will be attached to the Deed and note and will be made available for general public and security agencies in case borrower defaults on the loan

4 comments:

gadzooks64 said...

Oh Jamy you are so funny!

I actually sitting here waiting for a call from my mortgage office at the credit union that has our mortgage.

We are going to be doing a low cost modification to our mortgage that will reduce our term and rate saving us a brazillian dollars! Wooooot!

And then I read your post. I have already been told what documents we'll need to provide and I have them all lined up to email. There shouldn't be any blood testing required. ;)

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OhCaptain said...

I got a butt load of duty free cigarettes with our last closing but we were required to do even more. They title company has been requiring retinal scan signatures for all notes greater then the average value of a home closed on 50 years prior (sliding window). I could also tell my wife loved the new house a lot, cuz when she said good bye to our oldest for the last time, she didn't even blink.

It's a tough market. :-P

Anonymous said...

Ah! This is perfect! Thanks for countering many
misunderstandings I had seen regarding this lately.